I find it almost impossibly difficult to strike the balance between trusting God and sharing with Him my honest feelings of heartache. Maybe you do too. And if you do, then maybe praying this lament with me will help you find your own voice.
Why do you make me wait so long?
Every day that passes
Without your healing touch
Brings a fresh wound
Have you forgotten me entirely?
Is there no balm in Gilead?
Is there no physician there? [Jer. 8:22]
Why then is there no healing for my wound?
They that wait upon the Lord
Will renew their strength
They will soar like the eagle
Running, but not growing weary [Is. 40:31]
Yet here I am
Waiting
Growing weary
More acquainted with lying in the dust
Than soaring through the clouds
How long, O Lord, will you tolerate this violence?
How long will you permit
My belief and my experience
To sit so grossly out of alignment?
How long must I call for help
But you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
But you do not save? [Hab. 1:2]
Yet the hand of the Lord is not shortened
That it cannot save
Nor is his ear dull
That it cannot hear [Is. 59:1]
So I must believe
In the face of proofs to the contrary
While my spirit faints and wilts
And my tongue grows dry
For lack of water
Would you really have me sing the songs of Zion
While still in the chains of captivity? [Ps. 137:3-4]
My enemies have become bolder still
The more I cling to you
The more they dig in their heels
And refuse to surrender
Now they have drawn close
And come to the very door of the Sanctuary
They promise to defile it
They insist, “it will be done.”
Am I alone in caring about this?
Or does the vindication of your own Name
Still stand as a priority
As it did in ancient times?
“Cry louder!” they shriek at me
“Perhaps your God is sleeping.”
“Maybe he is away on a journey.”
“He will not deliver you. Surrender now.”
And how shall I answer them
As they continue to inflict damage?
Surely you will not forsake me
Surely you will not give me over to my enemy
What kind of Father would you be
If you abandoned your child
In his moment of deepest need?
Would that not further profane your Name?
Would I not then become a curse?
“He trusted in a God who could not save!”
The children will learn the lesson
From the life of their father
Will they find there a reason to believe?
Why should they be scandalized and fall away?
I have no more words
I have only the groaning of a heart
That trembles and shivers
As it waits, and waits, and waits
For a Deliverer who has chosen to delay
Renew my faith
Build up my trust
Let me not be put to shame
Or confusion
Forever
Come quickly
Do not delay
Lest I sink down for good
And become a curse
